Are you an over people-pleaser
Do you lose yourself as a people-pleaser?
Firstly, a people pleaser is a person who puts others needs ahead of their own. This type of person is highly attuned to others and often seen as an agreeable, helpful kind person, but people pleasers can also have trouble advocating for themselves, which can lead to a harmful pattern of self-sacrifice or self-neglect. People pleasers feel overly concerned with pleasing others and earning their approval as a way to maintain relationships.
In order to stop being a people pleaser, it's important to understand why you might be engaging in this kind of behavior.
Here are a few factors that may be the root cause of people pleasing:
· Poor self esteem: Some people engage in people pleasing behavior because they don't value their own desires or needs, because they may be lacking in self-confidence, they feel that doing for others will lead to approval and acceptance.
· Insecurity: they may worry that other people won't like them if they don't go above and beyond to make them happy.
· Past experiences: people who have experienced trauma or abuse for example, may try to please others and be as agreeable as possible in order to avoid triggering abusive behavior in others.
Here are some steps you can take to balance out your desire to make others happy without sacrificing your own.
1. Establish boundaries:
it's important to know your limits, be clear and specific about what you're willing to take on. If someone is asking for too much let them know that it's over the bounds of what you're willing to do and that you won't be able to help them.
2. Start small.
It is hard to make big sudden changes, so it's often easier to begin by asserting yourself in small ways. Start by saying no to smaller request, try expressing your opinion about something small or asking for something small that you need. Firstly, try to say no to a text request and build up your courage to say no in person.
3. Help when you want to help:
You don't have to give up being kind and thoughtful. The key is to check in with your motivations and your intentions. Don't do things because you fear rejection, or you want approval from others. Keep doing good things but on your own terms when you want to and when it suits you.
If you continually find being a people pleaser is making it difficult to pursue your own happiness, it's important to find ways to set boundaries and take back your time. Remind yourself that you cannot please everyone and there are people who can never be pleased.
If you are finding that people-pleasing is interfering with your own well-being, your desire to pursue your own goals and to thrive in your own life and you're struggling to break these patterns, I can help you.
I can help you break these patterns and put healthy boundaries in place that are beneficial to you and others, using gentle yet effective techniques that you can easily implement into your everyday life.
Contact me at www.geraldineryancoaching.com